Its been some years

Oh man, I do not even know where I left off way back in 2014. It seems so long ago and so many things have changed. I am not the same person and I have struggled with that lately but I think I am starting to be who i was intended to be.
 We have moved to Florida and well we are getting ready to move again, The kids have grown so much. G is about to enter high school. Ayva is about to go into middle school and baby Liam is finishing KG. Wow I feel old.
Some exciting things for sure have happened and some heartbreaking events have also happened. Things have been rough and not always sunshine and rainbows but at the end of the day we have stuck together and well we made it. I cant tell you enough how grateful I am for the life I have.
In the last year I was diagnosed with Lupus and Fibromyalgia on top of the ITP I have had since I was 15. To say the least it hasn't been fun. The struggle is real y'all.  The pain and the fatigue suck the life right out of me. I went to a very dark place when I first was diagnosed. No I wasn't suicidal but I didn't want anything to do with anything that wasn't right there in my bed. The pain was bad and I was so tired. I couldn't sleep because of the pain but when I did it made me stiff and caused more pain. Such a stupid circle I was in.  I came out of this depressed state and owned the fact that this is the rest of my life and its time to suck it up and deal.  Yes I have tried medicine and no they didn't work. Now I stick to the KETO diet well I call it KETOish because I cheat once in a while and sometimes each some real crappy foods. Its helping and hey I lost 20 lbs so there is that too. There is my sunshine and rainbows part. :)
So, I am going to try this blogging thing out again. Maybe I will stick to it and maybe I wont. Writing seems to be helpful so maybe I will stay for awhile. I can not promise that people will love what I write because well you know me, I speak first think later. Stay tuned for it........ xoxo

Day 4 ( blah)(but good blah)

I NEED SODA NOW.....

This is harder than I thought.

The eating better has gone pretty well. I have not gone over my calories in fact I am under every day but dang it, I NEED A SODA.

I slam two to three Sparks a day so I get my caffeine fix, but I need the taste and the texture. lol. Okay no more dramatics, for real though, it is going well. I have been without a car all week so I haven't made it the gym at all this week or last week. I wouldn't be surprised if there is no change in the scale but I am super excited that I have been able to stay with my goals. That's the whole point of this whole thing after all. Making goals, keeping them and adding to them. I cant wait to sit down this weekend and add to my goals. Hmmm. What should I add?? 

Love life peeps...

T

12 WEEK CHALLENGE

So I am starting a new journey.

Its a 12 week weight loss challenge with 1499 random people I have no clue who they are.

 I am the QUEEN of starting things and not finishing them but this time I am finishing one.

I will make weekly goals instead of life goals that are totally easy to fail at. SO week one starts now (well really yesterday) and my goals are:

WEEK ONE GOALS

• no soda
• drink more water
• work out 4 times this week
• start C25K
• log ALL food into My Fitness Pal (even if I go over)

Simple goals to start. Usually I go balls to the walls and well I last a few days and then I'm like "oooh oreos". This time will be different. Why? Because at this point I hate myself and I need to like myself. I want my girls to see their momma kick ass and follow in my footsteps. So stay tuned, I will not be bombarding my Facebook page because I know how everyone feels about me talking about working out so check back in here...

AHHHH

I love my kids, they are my life but oh this momma needs a break. I need a break from the fighting and the straight up nasty attitudes. I don't get it, I don't understand it and I don't want it....
Dear Summer,
Please come soon. This mom wants to be able to yell " go outside and hurt each other so you don't mess up my house."
Please tell me I am not the only one who wants to kick my kids out of the house??? I will let em in for food, water and the bathroom... I swear...
Thanks, Tif

It's a hell of life

I had every intention to do a year in review this year but I can't. Lets be real here, this last year has been pretty awful. Anything bad that could have happened pretty much did. For 8 months straight Liam woke up every hour and a half all night. This made waking up and taking care of the girls next to impossible. I found myself feeling alone and trapped many days and on the good days, something would happen to ruin it.I was depressed, sad and never felt good enough.We have had more trials and tribulations in this one year than I care to admit but I gotta say this, we are still standing, I am still standing.  Maybe it hasn't been such an awful year, maybe this year was given to us to figure out where our places are in this world. Have I found that place? Heck no, but I am starting to. I am finally learning who I am and becoming who I want to be and modeling that person to my children. I want my kids to grow up knowing they can be who they want and do whatever they want in life.

Maybe if I turn it around and look at what I have gained this year it will seem way more positive.

1. Sure Liam came into our life with a bang, he really is the greatest little miracle ever and doing amazing

2. Even though I had to cut a few people out of my lives I gained some even better ones

3. I learned a lot about family over the last year and that my friends are my family

4. I found a great love for spin class

5. Everyone in my house is healthy and happy

6. My neighborhood has finally became the great one it used to be

And last.. I met some amazing family members who have made a huge impact on my life life just by meeting them once.

So life isn't as bad as I thought it was once I started to see it through not so sleepy eyes.